Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
