It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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