foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
