the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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