yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
