We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
