i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
