I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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