Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
