I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
