And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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