I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
