I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
