You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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