the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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