My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
