My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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