even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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