is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
