Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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