She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
