Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We have started to decorate penises.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
