So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
