I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
