i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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