Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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