I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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