Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

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(518): View more from New York

one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.

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(513): View more from Ohio

And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.

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(707): View more from California

I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?

(650): View more from California

There is so much wrong with that sentence

(707): View more from California

Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real

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(845): View more from New York

uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.

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