I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
