this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
