I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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