exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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