the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
