after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
