i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
