Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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