This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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