She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
