I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
