yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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