Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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