Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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