WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
