we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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