giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
