I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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