I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
