So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
