Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
