I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize