and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
