I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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